I have 4 more nights, including tonight, until I head off to a weekend without my family. I was recently thinking about it, and I think this may be the first time in my 46 years that I have gone away by myself. My nieces will be there, but since they are running this retreat weekend, I’ll be on my own for a lot of it. I am starting to get anxious about going, but I know that this is something I need to do.
This weekend is going to be amazing to have some well needed me time, but it is also, and probably more importantly, a time for me to learn and get information that will hopefully help me feel comfortable about making some decisions about my body that could potentially save my life, but that are also somewhat life altering. Do I have a radical hysterectomy? Do I have a prophylactic mastectomy and how does reconstruction work? There are now issue with implants so is that worth it? Do I not have reconstruction? How will these surgeries potentially affect my marriage, relationship physical, sexual, and emotional, with my husband. Am I putting more into these decisions than I need to or am I justified in my fears?
One of my fears is not following my belief system. I keep talking about the “wholistic heart”, but am I looking at things holistically enough? I really need to look at my diet and my stress relieving strategies. I feel like i have all these ideas about what I want to do, but I only do things for a short time. I was recently thinking about my life and about my lack of ability to really be good at something. I am totally a jack of all trades, master of none and always have been. I have never been able to perfect anything or even come close to it, ever!
I have so many different holistic health practices that I want to learn about, but I can’t seem to get to where I need to be to be able to take time to actually learn them. This weekend, I believe I am going to hear about traditional western medical treatment as well as some more holistic treatments. I am going to get some time with people who have been in my shoes, talk to a medical panel that will hopefully help me, some yoga, some pj party time, some sound healing, and some mala making with meditation. I can’t wait to get away and take some time to learn about my current options. I have been dealing with the gene mutation knowledge for probably 7 years now and I’m thinking, or maybe hoping that there has been some updates to what I know. I’m also looking forward to some of the workshops as well as just taking some time for me.
I’ll leave you with a picture from my hike this weekend. I hope you enjoy!
Have an amazing week and take some time for you, even 5 minutes!